i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
