You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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