but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
