Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
