Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
