in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
