He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
