1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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