did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
