Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
