Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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