remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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