I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That's when you crack a 10am beer
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
