I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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