there's paper in my vomit.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
