there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't turn off my feet"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize