The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
