You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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