you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Houston, we have a squirter
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
