; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
