make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize