I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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