is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize