there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this just has baby written all over it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
