We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
