can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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