I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
