I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
