Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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