Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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