i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
