If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
