How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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