I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
