I have demons in me.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
