Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
