She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
