he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
