You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
