Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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