so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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