when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
