dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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