the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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