Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
