This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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