somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
