You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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