I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
