OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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