Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize