Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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