where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
