alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
