I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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