Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
