3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
