even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
