I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
