I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
