do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
