I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
