he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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