Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
where are my eyebrows?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
