He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
