ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
