i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
