can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize