Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pants are for mortals
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize