I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
