Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
