its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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