You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize