I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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