I can tuck mytits in my pants
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
